How DARE you call yourself a sandwich!

YOU sir are NO sandwich!

Dear open-faced sandwich,

You are nothing but a pile of food atop a single slice of bread, and that, does not a sandwich make. More appropriately, you are some kind of mound of toppings heaped onto a bread plate. If this it all it takes to be a sandwich, then pizza must be a sandwich too, and I REFUSE to live in THAT world kind sir. If I must eat you with a fork, a sandwich, you are not.

Now, I know what you must be saying false-sandwich:

"B-b-but, my contents are too plentiful! Another slice of bread would make me too tall and awkward!"

Then I suggest you cease this charade and become two sandwiches! Then, at least you can stop lying to yourself and others, and the healing can begin. Until you can come to terms with yourself and create your own identity, we shall no longer enjoy each others company. GOOD DAY SIR!